Have you ever felt stuck? Sometimes feeling stuck is because you feel unfulfilled. Sometimes feeling stuck is not being clear about where life or work is heading anymore? Heck, sometimes you don’t even know why you feel stuck? Honestly, I have felt stuck so many times in my life.
In fact, if I am being honest- it took until I was 35 years of age to recognise this and start the processing of becoming unstuck. Now at 43 years of age, I am a little closer to becoming completely unstuck!
My earliest recollection of feeling stuck in a cloud of uncertainty and doubt was at the end of my university studies. I had just spent 3 years of my life studying something I was not ready to do. I started feeling regretful for not pursuing a creative passion. I would have loved to work in the music and arts industry; ultimately become a singer songwriter. However, that was seen as a dead end. Ugh….get a real job…..ok.
I finished my degree and applied and was successful in the first graduate job I could find. I got the job, so I could buy a car and a house. There was my first mistake. Getting job to do the grown up stuff I thought I should do. I built a career in an industry that I had no intention of getting into, or interest in. I experienced some amazing opportunities and had more ahead, but something else deep down in my heart was telling me it was not right for me.
At 27 my heart was calling me to become a mother. I quit my job and went all Martha Stewart, because I thought the a good mother was an amazing home maker. I definitely wanted to be a mother, but I never actually had any aspirations to be an amazing full time home maker. I thought it was the right thing to do when you started a family. I loved being a mother, but I felt flat, and was not my best self. I didn’t want my daughter to see a regretful and uninspired mum. I went back to full-time work - cause I thought ‘that will fix it, right?’ WRONG.
Instead of using that moment as an opportunity get a job more aligned with my interests and passions, or one that I could balance with my family; I got into the same old habit. Get a good job to earn money to pay our bills and afford to do stuff!
By the time I was 35 years old I was disenchanted, regretful and unhappy with myself. I didn’t have a hobby or any personal interests outside of work, home and parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for all that I had in my life, but I felt a little bit empty. Like I had lost myself. Life had become about work schedules, home schedules and chores! I was not fun to be around at home; and I was unhappy at work.
I decided at that point I didn’t want to live with regret, and was sick of getting stuck actually do something to help myself become unstuck. I had spent 35 years not actually tackling the problem, and repeating the same mistakes. I realised I was lacking passion and had lost sight of who I was.
I found a mentor and we identified what I valued and what type of experiences I I wanted from life. My mentor encouraged me to reignite my creativity to help me find a passion and interest outside of work and family life. I started with a singing few lessons and dreamt of joining a choir. Within two years I became a lead singer in a band and had written original songs! I also threw away the mother’s guilt as I my music was making be a better person, and a better role model for my daughter. The fire was reignited in my soul. A creative outlet and a joyful interesting passion to share with my family. So began the process of becoming unstuck!
My next major challenge came at 41 years of age, when I experienced a professional set back, as a promotion I had worked very hard toward for several years didn’t eventuate. I doubted everything about myself - my ability, my experience, how others saw me etc. I was 41, in a career I didn’t want or enjoy, with no idea where to go. I became regretful and depressed again. Dang it, it was the next logical step in my career! But hold on; it wasn’t even the career I really wanted in the first place was it? OMG I was angry. I was angry that I spent so much time working toward something that not only didn’t eventuate, but in reality wasn’t going to make me feel happy or fulfilled.
After about 3 weeks of wallowing in self pity a chance meeting with another full time working mama who was also feeling flat, overworked and unfulfilled. This led me down my greatest and most fulfilling personal development journey. I discovered a powerful female tribe of mama’s who were passionate and unapologetic about living their best life. I learnt how to truly make time to understand how I wanted my life to be, but also how to take intentional action to become unstuck!
Now at 43 years of age, I am still working in a profession that I didn’t dream of, (as I am a ballet mum) and need a LOT of money for lessons, ballet fees, competition fees and costumes as well as the mortgage etc. HOWEVER, I am feeling the most fulfilled I have ever been. I have my creative pursuits, I love being a mum to the most amazing 15 year old girl, and most every day feel like a made some kind of difference or positive contribution.
What did I do to become unstuck?
I got to know me
I make time to understand what I valued and what would make me feel fulfilled.
I found a a purpose which gave me the internal spark gave me to do something of value for myself and others.
I used visualisation techniques to create a vision.
I found inspiration
I searched for other people who had started this self discovery and transformation journey to see what was possible, and be inspired by their journey.
Danielle Lucia Schaffer shares in her blog an inspirational story about Katie Saffert from Hatched Collective
Katie reached a point where she thought - how the heck did I get here and what the heck am I doing? She also realised other women were sitting on the floor crying and wondering why they didn’t feel fulfilled? She found a solution to not just her own problem but for all women. You have to read her story about how she took a leap of faith to learn, connect and grow at the City Girl Gone Mum blog here
I worked on my mindset
I focused on possibility not regret.
I practiced gratitude.
I stopped focusing on failure and focused on learning.
I took action
I stopped using time as an excuse - I made time for what was important.
Every day I aligned my actions with my values and purpose.
I took action toward achieving my larger goals (not matter how small).
No matter how stuck or unfilled you feel - you have the power to decide to start the unsticking process. If you'd like some help to create clarity and become unstuck, reach out to me at lizconnollycoaching.com I know exactly how it feels and I would love to share my proven techniques to help you create clarity so you can live a fulfilling life.